


More random Berena one-shots

by HartKins



Category: Holby City
Genre: AU, F/F, One Shot Collection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-26 00:44:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21365380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HartKins/pseuds/HartKins
Summary: I saw someone else make a random one-shot collection for Berena so I thought I'd join in!Ranging from fluffy to explicit. Warnings before each fic.
Relationships: Serena Campbell/Bernie Wolfe
Kudos: 20





	More random Berena one-shots

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this last month and just now finished it. I didn't intend for it to be nearly 3k long, but the words just kept flowing. I was filled with rage so I made Serena take it out on Bernie, even though I want it to be the other way around. I like to think of it as a summary of what Berena went through. I might've missed some parts, though.
> 
> No warnings in this one.

I had planned to post and write this last month but didn't get to it, but I had it saved in drafts and to draft it, something had to be written here.....

**SERENA IS PISSED AT BERNIE SO SHE SENDS HER AN EMAIL FILLED WITH RAGE**

I decided to keep that in because why not! Okay, time for the actual fic!

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Serena was enjoying her 3rd glass of Shiraz on the deck of the cabin she rented when she found out. When she was given compassionate leave several weeks ago, she knew she wanted to go away, but not abroad. She found a small cabin 100 miles from Holby, far enough away no one would find her, but not too far in case there was an emergency with Jason.

When Cameron found out that they had found his mum’s body, he was both relieved and heartbroken. He had held onto the hopes she was still alive somewhere. That she had miraculously escaped the blast and was just being the brave person that she was, giving her body armor to someone that needed it more.

After hearing about his mum, he had the urge to yell at someone anyone. He grabbed his phone and opened his contact list and scrolled and clicked on a random name.

“Hello?”

_“Serena?”_

“Cameron? Everything okay?”

_“Th-they found mum’s body. Some military officials came by today and told me. I didn’t know who else to call.”_

“Oh Cameron, I’m so sorry. Where are you?”

_“In my car outside the hospital.”_

“Are you fit to drive home?”

_“I think so.”_

Serena couldn’t come up with words that would be comforting to the poor boy, so she just let him cry for a few minutes before she double-checked that he was okay.

“I’ll be back in Holby in 2 weeks. Call me if you need anything, okay?”

_“Thank you, Serena.”_

After hanging up with Cameron, Serena slammed her fist down on the table next to her deck chair. She had hoped, prayed even, that Bernie was still alive and hiding somewhere.

She poured herself yet another glass of red wine and sat back in the chair to think about how she was going to cope with the news.

Her mind drifted off to the day she first met Bernie, in the car park of the hospital. She let out a laugh when she remembered how frazzled she was. Her car in shambles and there she was meeting a beautiful woman that unbeknownst to her, would become her partner. Her car ended up being, what Bernie called, cactus, whatever that meant.

The months following their first meeting was a whirlwind for Serena, filled with so much emotion. She liked Bernie, only as a woman she could have a conversation about kids and marriage over a few glasses of wine. A mom friend, I think they call it. Serena never expected to fall in love with the blonde.

As Serena sat there reminiscing about the great times she had with Bernie, she also remembered the bad times, like when she told Bernie how she felt about her and then Bernie nearly sprinted out of AAU, leaving Serena in the dust. As much as it hurt Serena that Bernie left, it was for the best. Bernie was right, Serena needed time to think about what she really wanted.

When Bernie came back, life was bliss. She & Bernie got to work together again and they were both on the same page relationship-wise, things were going great, for 6 weeks, anyway. Then Elinor died and Serena felt like she did too. The woman Serena was from that point on was not the same. Bernie, however, bless her soul, was there for her the entire time.

Serena’s memory got a little fuzzy after that. She knew she left in April and that Bernie joined her in August, but she couldn’t quite remember what happened. All she could remember was wine, lots and lots of wine, which probably explained her memory loss.

She came back in February a new woman with a new hairstyle. She was fed up with dyeing her hair all the time. The brunette Serena was the old Serena. That Serena had a daughter, this one didn’t. She had to say goodbye to Elinor, so she felt she needed to say goodbye to the brown.

Pretty much as soon as she came back, life got hectic. Work was still the same, but Jason was different. Oh yeah, he was going to be a father, of course, he would be different. The months went by slowly and before she knew it, it was the summer. She was anxious to meet her grandniece, someone to coo over, but she didn’t expect to see Bernie at the end of June, perched on a file cabinet in her office.

She & Bernie had been through so much over the 2 years they had known each other and she thought their relationship was indestructible. The long-distance was a pain, she had to admit, but it showed how much they loved each other. Then the whole Nairobi Trauma Center thing happened and she was scared. She didn’t want to lose Bernie and she definitely didn’t want to lose Jason, Greta and baby Guinevere. She could see the pain on Bernie’s face at the thought of breaking up and it broke her heart. As she stood up and walked closer to her little family, she simultaneously walked away from the woman that kept her grounded. Bernie had been there through thick and thin and there she was being selfish for not wanting to go with her to Nairobi, but she had to do what was best for Jason and his family.

When Fleur & Donna made her realize that letting Bernie go was a stupid thing, she couldn’t leave AAU fast enough to find the blonde woman. As she saw her stood there on the phone, probably calling for a hotel since she had been staying with Serena, she knew she couldn’t let the woman go. She spun Bernie around so fast that she probably got whiplash, but she didn’t care. Pressing her lips to the blonde’s, in front of everyone, was the best feeling in the world. Professing her love and need for Bernie was the right thing to do because she really couldn’t imagine her life without her.

Bernie promised to wait for her ‘for eternity’, that macho army medic was a romancer sometimes, but I guess eternity wasn’t as long as Serena thought because it ended 6 months later. Weren’t they doing okay? What happened to them?

Leah Faulkner happened to them. That mischievous F1 who should’ve been fired the night she flirted with Serena at Albie’s. She was partly the reason Bernie & Serena broke up in December. Yes, the long-distance was getting to them, but Bernie could sense something else was wrong.

As Serena watched Bernie salute and walk out that door, she knew she would never see her again. However, she didn’t think it would be because Bernie would die 10 months later. She knew and understood that Bernie loved to travel. She wouldn’t have been surprised if she ended up in America somewhere, out of the line of fire but still doing trauma because it was what she loved and was trained to do.

With Cameron working on AAU again, Serena couldn’t escape the little mentions of Bernie, not that she minded. There were times when she missed being able to say her name.

When news about the explosion came, Serena’s heart nearly exploded. She knew what bombs did and deep down, she was scared. She couldn’t hide the utter sadness on her face when Cameron told her. Heck, her heart dropped when she saw the Army officials talking to the boy.

She was glad she was given compassionate leave because she didn’t think everything would hit her so hard. It made sense, though, considering how close she & Bernie were.

It was nearly 11 pm when Serena looked over and saw that she had polished off a whole bottle of Shiraz, meaning it was definitely time was time for bed. She slowly made her way back into the cabin, staggering along the way until she finally made it to the bed. She didn’t even try to do her nighttime routine. This wasn’t like her, usually, she could drink a whole bottle and be somewhat fine, when had she become a lightweight?

As Serena laid in bed, she tried everything in her power to drop off to sleep, but her mind wouldn’t shut off. Images of Bernie, the woman she once loved, maybe even still loved, kept flashing through her mind. What did this mean? She didn’t believe in being able to communicate with people who had passed, but she felt differently about Bernie, something she never felt with her parents or daughter.

Serena decided to do something about her feelings. She reached for her phone and turned it on, the screen nearly blinding her. She opened her email app and composed an email to Bernie.

_Dear Bernie,_

_I know you’re dead and I know you’re never going to see this, but something deep down is telling me to do this, but I don’t know where to begin._

_I do know that I miss you. Yes, we broke up 10 months ago, but that doesn’t I don’t miss you. As I’m laying here in bed, I keep seeing you in my mind. I can’t stop thinking about you. Are you trying to tell me something?_

_I’m over you, Bernie. The second you walked out of Albie’s, I was done with you. Jason was right, you didn’t belong here at Holby, you belonged out in the world, saving peoples’ lives. You got high off of adrenaline and you weren’t going to get much of that here. Pushing swings and taking bins out in your slippers weren’t going to be your thing, and I was okay with that._

_However, I’m not okay with you being dead because now, there’s no chance that I’ll get to see you again. I thought I’d maybe see you someday when Cameron does something amazing and wants his mum here to say she’s proud of him. He’s never going to get that now, but just know that I will be there for him, for whatever he needs. He’s my son, now._  
_I hope you’re happy wherever you are. If you see Elinor, tell her that I love her and miss her._

_Serena was just about to send the email when something changed inside of her._

** _No._ **

_NO. SCRATCH ALL OF THAT. FORGET I SAID ANY OF THAT._

_I'M MAD AT YOU, BERNIE. I’M BLOODY FURIOUS, WHAT THE FUCK? WHY ARE YOU DEAD???? WHAT THE BLOODY HELL HAPPENED??? WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME 10 MONTHS AGO? WHY DIDN’T YOU FIGHT TO STAY WITH ME??? YOU WERE A COWARD AND TOOK THE EASY WAY OUT._

_CAMERON BLAMES ME FOR YOUR DEATH, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I BLAME YOU. IT WAS YOUR CHOICE TO LEAVE ME. TO LEAVE HOLBY AND YOUR KIDS. WHY DID YOU DO IT? ARE YOU REALLY THAT SELFISH AND WOULD CHOOSE DANGER OVER YOUR OWN CHILDREN? YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD?_

_YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME, BUT I GUESS YOU DIDN’T LOVE ME ENOUGH TO STAY AND GROW OLD WITH ME. WE COULD’VE HAD A GREAT LIFE TOGETHER. YOU, ME, YOUR KIDS, JASON, GRETA, & GUINEVERE, YOU COULD’VE HAD IT ALL, BUT YOU BLEW IT._

_FUCK YOU, BERNIE. I HATE YOU. I’M GLAD YOU’RE DEAD. YOU DESERVED TO BE BLOWN TO SMITHEREENS._

_HAVE A NICE TIME IN THE AFTERLIFE_

_WITH RAGE,_  
_SERENA_

Serena had tears of anger rolling down her face. Deep down she didn’t really feel this way, she was just so angry at Bernie, or maybe she was angry at herself for pushing Bernie away like she had so many other times. She knew Bernie was gone and there was nothing she could do. The email was a harmless way to grieve and let off some steam. It was a lot safer than she did when Elinor died. Bullying Jasmine Burrows was wrong and unprofessional and she regretted her actions, just like she regrets letting Bernie leave for good.

Serena couldn’t decide if she wanted to send the angry email or not. What if Cameron finds it somehow while going through Bernie’s laptop? How would he feel about Serena, his boss, after reading that? What if he went to Henrik Hanssen and, the CEO, made a complaint? Serena would probably get suspended or even fired.

She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t send it. And she couldn’t get herself to delete it either. Instead, she saved it in her drafts so she could read it again whenever she was feeling angry.

One evening, Jason and his family were over at Serena’s for dinner, Guinevere was playing with the new toys Serena had gotten for her and the rest were sitting around playing on their phones. Serena was trying to send an important email to Mr. Hanssen, but it wasn’t sending so she asked Jason to help while she went into the kitchen to finish up with dinner.

“I fixed your phone, Auntie Serena. I sent the email to Mr. Hanssen, and the one to Bernie,” he smiled as he handed Serena her phone.

“You did what??” she asked, her eyes wide at what he just said.

“The email to Bernie, I sent it. It was in your drafts so I thought you were having trouble sending that one too,” he replied with a scared look on his face. He thought he was doing the right thing.

“J-Jason. You don’t do something like send someone’s email without asking them first. That email was never supposed to be sent,” Serena tried to explain calmly without showing how angry she really was.

“I’m sorry. I just thought that even though Bernie is dead, she would want to hear from you. I believe she’s in Heaven and that she can read emails up there. And it’s good for you to tell her how you feel and that you miss her,” he said, trying not to look as sad as he felt.

He missed Bernie, too. The pair of them got along great together and when Bernie & Serene were together, he referred to Bernie as his auntie as well because, in his eyes, they were already married. That’s why Greta said that Bernie was Serena’s wife when Bernie asked her because that what Jason always told her.

“Yes, well, that still doesn’t give you permission to send emails,” Serena responded while rolling her eyes. There was no Heaven in her mind. Bernie was just dead and that was it.

Now she was going to have to ask Cameron if he had access to Bernie’s email. Maybe she could find a way to delete the email before he ever saw it. Oh shit, what if Marcus had access to her email account? Serena & Marcus got along pretty much as bad as she did with Alex, both of them made her feel awkward, which made sense since they were Bernie’s exes. Well, now she was on that list. She had to think of a plan to delete that email and save herself from getting in serious trouble from Henrik and even worse, Bernie’s family.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this one! I think it was therapeutic for me. I'm not over what Holby did to us, but writing in all caps helped a bit!


End file.
